So there’s been a fair bit going on lately. I am now pregnant with my first child and it’s been an interesting few months to say the least!

But now the word’s out there, I can finally share the thoughts and things that happened the moment I found out I was pregnant and in the days that followed.

Let me preface this entry by saying that we are absolutely stoked to be having a baby, and we had planned on starting for a family this year, however it may have still been a bit of a shock when I first found out I was indeed up the duff, as you may read below. I didn’t think it would happen so quickly!

Some of you know that I’ve been dealing with all kinds of health issues over the years, including endometriosis which can cause infertility, so one cannot blame me for thinking there may be a chance I would have trouble falling pregnant.

Alas, this was not so.

We are now halfway through the pregnancy and loving every minute of it and we are excited for everything to be changing very soon.

But for now…

I bring you, the “Holy Crap, There’s a Bun in My Oven” Diary

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Diary date: Saturday 24/11/18

Oh jeez. I am sooo hungover. This is not a pretty hangover day. This is a “I need Maccas right now or I’ll drown the cat” kind of hangover day. Damn you work Christmas party. And the worst thing is that I’ve left my car at work and I have to go and get it today. FML.

I would soon find out that this in fact was not the worst thing to happen to me during this hangover.

Ok, it’s about 10am, I’m crawling out of bed to get to the loo. Hang on. Wasn’t I meant to get my period yesterday? Yeah surely, cos I remember thinking earlier in the week that I’ll have my damn period when I’m dressed like a roller derby girl for the Christmas party. Hmmm… hang on…

Where’s that period tracker app… 4 days late. Ohhhh. Snap.

I immediately start trying to think of other times this may have happened, when I’ve been this many days late, but I can’t recall any. I’m pretty regular so I know something is definitely up.

Tim (the Husband) comes into the bedroom and sees my face during this hangover state. I give him the 4-1-1. He is not fussed by this (yet).

With my hangover still ticking away, we decide we need to go and pick up my car, and at the same time I guess a trip to the pharmacy wouldn’t hurt…

Let me tell you now, driving my car home (yes, I was probably not in the best state to drive but let’s not focus on that right now) with that little paper bag of pee sticks on the front seat next to me was quite possibly the longest 15 minute drive in my entire life. It’s like it was mocking me, knowing what was coming.

Right, let’s pee on a stick. The correct way.

The directions say to leave it for 3 minutes… ok, maybe the fact that the lines are appearing straight away means it’s broken? I’ll just put it on the bathmat for a bit, leave it there for the time being.

At this point, I’ve walked out of the bathroom and sat on the bed, thinking I’ll have to wait for 3 agonising minutes before seeing if that little stick says my life is about to change. But lucky for me, I’m an impatient bugger, so after about a minute I go back in the bathroom.

I’m not picking it up, I’m just gonna leave it on the ground. Maybe if I don’t touch it the results will disappear? Yeah, I’ll stand and just look at it from up here.

Tim comes into the bathroom to ask “why aren’t you waiting for me…” but then sees me staring down onto this little pee stick on the ground, like it’s a spider and I’m trying to not get too close to it, yet I really want to look at it. “Oh…” he says as he looks at the pee stick and then back at me with surprise. I am also in some form of shock/hangover state with my brain trying to compute the enormity of the situation. But hangovers are not helpful with these sorts of brain functions.

Shit a brick.

As Tim picks up the stick to examine it more closely like a normal human being would, I start to simultaneously laugh and cry small tears of shock/hangover/happiness. I also think the fact that I hadn’t got my Maccas yet had something to do with it but anyway.

Holy crap this has never happened before… what do I do?!? I have done a few of these bloody pee sticks in the past but none have had this result. I am unprepared for this kind of news right now. Fuck I need a Maccas coke. I know, I’ll pee on another stick.

Lucky for me I bought a 3-pack of pee sticks (bargain) so I figure I might as well do another one, just to double check.

Oh right, it’s the same result. Cool, game on. Why am I still surprised by this? You moron, yes you are pregnant! Now I really need that Maccas coke.

I decide bed is probably the best place for me to be right now so I lay down whilst Tim kindly does the Maccas run (fiiiinally) so he can get some sense out of me.

My head at this point does not know what to do. It’s swimming with thoughts. Basically swimming the fucking Rotto swim with thoughts. Husband is back with the holy goods and I eat everything, nuggets, fries and half a cheeseburger. I need it all. And that Maccas coke has never tasted so good.

I’m just gonna stay in bed all day, I don’t think the world needs to see me today. Let’s watch movies and be sloths, ok? Ok.

The rest of the day was legit a sloth day and I decide the next best step would be to book a doctors appointment for Monday and see what happens next.

Diary date: Sunday 25/11/18

You know what, I’ve got one more pee stick left, I might just check if it’s still there…

Yep, still pregnant.

Diary date: Monday 26/11/18

Lucky my GP opens at 8am so I call first thing to get an appointment, I’ll take anything. Bingo, 9:45am available, lock it in Eddy.

I get to work and ready to (try) focus on a bit of work before I get to the doctors.

Right, so I’m at work before 8:30 which means I’ll be able to get a couple of things done then shoot out for half an hour to get to the docs.

Hang on, what?!? What is all this excitement about? Why’s everyone in the studio…

Noooo no no not today, my brain can’t handle this!!! Fuuuuuck!

I should probably explain that I work at a radio station. And I take care of all the big competitions where we give away amazing things like big holidays or fun experiences or concert tickets or… bucketloads of cash. Which was exactly what had happened the moment I walked into work.

See, over the past 6 weeks our station had a competition running where listeners had to guess what our mystery word could be. If they guessed it, they would win one hundred thousand dollars.

I’m not kidding.

And that exact moment I walked into work was the moment that someone had correctly guessed what the mystery word was. Hence why people were all excited, because someone had just won a hundred thousand dollars.

Which meant a fuckload of work for me and my poor brain which was also trying to comprehend a pregnancy.

Are you actually serious?! Oh my God this is not happening. Not today!!! Look happy! You need to look happy that someone just won all that money! Oh jeeeez. My head is going to explode. I have so much work to do now! Don’t cry. Big girl pants on.

I manage to talk to the big winner and sort some details before I head out to my GP appointment. I get in the car and call Tim where my brain goes into overdrive and spews the whole story out. I can’t tell anyone at work what’s going on! It’s kinda funny when you think about it now, but at the time my brain was just in meltdown with so much going on.

Ok Doc, this is what happened, three pee sticks down and they all say the same thing. Cool, thanks for confirming now what the fuck do I do from here? Righto, you can do that calculation cos my brain ain’t handling life today.

Turns out, there’s an interesting way of calculating your due date, based off the first day of your last period. I never knew that. And now I do. And now I have a baby due on the 2nd August 2019. Cool beans.

Ohhh the 2nd August? That’s the day after every horses birthday, oh jeez it’s going to get teased like Gemma does if it’s born a day early…

Random fun fact: in the southern hemisphere, every horse has its birthday on the 1st August. This is to standardise the horse racing industry when putting horses in grades for racing. Another fun fact is that my sister, Gemma, is also born on this date, so each year my brother will buy her a bag of carrots and a box of sugar cubes for her birthday. I can see this tradition continuing if our baby comes a day early.

I leave the GP rooms with some scan referrals, blood test paperwork and notes on the next steps and things to think about. All I can do is put everything away and try not to think about it until later that night (hahahaha like THAT was going to happen) cos I had a major thing to deal with at work to the tune of one hundred thousand dollars.

Diary date: Thursday 29/11/18

Ah brilliant, I’ve woken up with a cold. Just what I need. Although this may get me out of the second Christmas party happening at work tomorrow…

I head to work for a few hours but then decide it’s best to head home. And there’s no point in coming in tomorrow as everyone’s going to be schmoozing clients at the Christmas party so I’ll just stay home.

Safe to say I was kinda relieved to not be at work so I could sit in my own thoughts.

About being pregnant.

With an actual baby.

Wowee.

Diary date: Saturday 1/12/18

Tim and I went to a preview screening of Ralph Breaks the Internet this morning, it was super awesome! That’s one thing I’m definitely prepared for with the baby, my love for cartoons and kids films. Watch me shine, bitch.

Then my sister and her rugrat Parker (18 months) came over for a visit in the afternoon. We decided we would tell Gem the news today as I kinda think I might need a hand getting through the next few months. But I may have completely blindsided her by distracting her with a jigsaw puzzle that was sitting on our kitchen table and then just blurting out the words at a random moment. After taking my sweet ass time to get it out. This is basically how the conversation went…

Gem: oh cool you, you guys got that puzzle. I’m gonna help.

Jess: yeah cool go for it

G: how long did it take you to do this? Was it hard?

J: it wasn’t too bad…um I guess…

G: I’m so good at puzzles

J: yeah… do you want a cup of tea?

G: yeah

J: cool

G: so we need to decide what we’re doing for Christmas lunch, what everyone needs to make

J: umm…

G: I’m going to do the ham and a cheesecake and I think Mum wants to make that salad thing plus buy those chicken things but I was thinking if you want to make a lasagne? Is that easy?

J: yeah cool

G: sweet

J: so… I’m pregnant

G: what the fuck?!

J: yeah

Just your standard Christmas food conversation with a bit of baby thrown in. What of it?

Cue tears from me and Gemma (which is strange cos she NEVER cries) and hugs all round. Parker is oblivious to the news as he and Tim are busy pulling books from the bottom shelf of the cupboard.

We chat all things baby and she asks if I’m going to tell Mum and Dad yet. I’m only 5 weeks along so I’m hesitant but Gem reckons it’s a good idea to have their support. Tim and I talk about it later that night and decide we will tell our parents as soon as we can. Which is great cos we’re booked in for breakfast with my folks in the morning….

Diary date: Sunday 2/12/18

Righto, this is it. Time to tell the olds what’s going on. I know they’ll be stoked for us but jeez it’s such a weird thing to tell people…

We arrive to find Mum and Dad already there and so is little Parker – good, maybe I can get him to tell them for me.

Breakfast is ordered and served. Probably a good time as any to say it now.

Can I just point out that the first few times you actually have to tell people that you’re pregnant with an actual baby is so bloody weird and you just feel super weird/emotional so it doesn’t really come out right so you just start crying instead?

It’s weird.

Anyway, this is how it happened.

Jess: Sooo I’m preg— [cue tears] preg– [more tears] 5 weeks [laughing tears]

Tim: We’re pregnant. About 5 weeks along.

Mum: Yay!

Dad: [tears in his eyes]

Parker: [squealing cos he’s got a minute where no ones watching him so he’s throwing scrambled eggs on the floor]

Well now that’s done I guess I can stop crying now… nope, ok then, just keep going then, you big fool…

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I can confirm that I made it out of that breakfast with puffy eyes and scrambled eggs in my hair (from Parker, not me) but I felt better than I had the day before so I guess things were looking up.

From there it got easier to think about and the shock eventually wore off, making it believable that it was actually happening. I feel like everything was in a haze for the first couple of weeks but after that wore off it just became more and more exciting to think about how ready we are to grow our family.

We may not have been expecting to fall pregnant right at that moment but I’m so unbelievably happy we did. Everything happens for a reason and I know this little Nugget (yes, as an homage to that early pregnancy Maccas feed, we call it Nugget during in utero) was meant to come along to shake things up for us.

I’ll be sure to update you with my stories when I can but for now just remember, it’s really hard to pee on a stick when you’re hungover. So, if you do think you’re pregnant, maybe wait until the booze has left your system. Eat some nuggets, watch some trash and let the day pass you by.

Yeah, I could have done that but then I wouldn’t have this story to tell.

xx