Years

A year changes you a lot. You might not notice it but it does.

Bit by bit, day by day, there’s small changes happening to your body, mind and spirit. It’s amazing actually, and it’s lovely to look back and realise that you have changed. Because it’s good for you.

What about the change over ten years though?

Well, you’re a completely different being after that.

Think about where you were ten years ago. Really think about it. Are you a different person to who you are now? Have you discovered something about yourself that you never knew possible? Are you still the same wonderful person but with just a bit more grey hair?

Me? Ten years ago I was a mess.

Mess in the sense that I didn’t know where I was going but also I was just hating on myself for thinking it was my fault.

But now I know I didn’t actually screw things up and it was ok that I didn’t know which way to go.

Ten years ago my world came crashing down and I was a wreck. But – like a clichΓ© – it was the best thing that ever happened to me. It set a chain of events in motion that would never have happened otherwise and it completely changed me inside and out.

Admittedly, the wreck came because of a breakup. Someone else had control over my heart and it shattered me into a million pieces when I wasn’t looking. I didn’t know how to put myself back together. It all sounds a bit dramatic, and to some people it might not mean much. But I’m a very loyal and emotional person so I thought there was no way of coming back from that.

But I’m so fucking grateful my heart got broken.

I would never have seen what I am capable of.

I would never have stepped outside of the box.

I would never have changed my path.

I could write an entire collection on the things I wouldn’t had done if that moment hadn’t happened. But I’m sure you get my point.

And it’s not as if I didn’t like who I was ten years ago. I was totally fine. I was happy.

But when something like that knocks you for six and redirects you, it’s pretty huge.

It helped me grow up and figure out who I wanted to be. I changed because I looked for experiences to help me and I decided to push myself.

Here’s a (extremely brief) recap of how the last ten years have looked for me.

***

After the breakup, I had to move back in with my Mum, and after a few months of mixing tears with drinking, I ended up making the move east to Queensland to live with a friend. I needed to escape and, if I didn’t, I knew I wouldn’t get over it. I spent six months in the Sunshine State partying with new faces almost every night.

After not having any luck on the job hunt in Queensland I landed a job in Melbourne so I made the move south. It was here that I came into my own and LIVED. I absolutely loved that city. I would move back if it wasn’t so bloody cold. But I was living on my own, figuring stuff out for myself and it was absolutely the best thing I could ever have done. I was changing every single day and that was so important.

I met different people, I tried new things, said YES to new experiences – I pushed myself into a new place. And it changed me. It opened my eyes and I felt amazing.

I also drank a fair amount of red wine and smoked a lot of ciggies so I was, of course, on top of my game at most points.

Not gonna lie though, there were a few shit days too. It wasn’t all fun and games. I wasn’t very nice to my body. Or my mind. I was a bit destructive at times but I know now it was all part of my process. I needed to let things happen to me and to figure it out for myself.

I notched up a blur of fun experiences during this time. Everything from exploring the east coast of our beautiful country, multiple overseas adventures, attending festivals and gigs, many 1am knock off drinks after a late shift, countless inappropriate antics (there’s a photo of me dressed as a pregnant nun around somewhere),Β  and of course big laughs with many new friends.

By far the best thing about the last ten years was meeting some of the most incredible people from all walks of life. I absolutely loved meeting all those faces. And most of these friends are still in my life today even though we’ve all got our own things going on.

After a couple of years, I was ready to come home as I missed my family (and the warmer WA weather) so I came home to no job and landed at Mum’s again. Soon after, my luck came through with a job at a radio station where I still work today. A workplace where my wine drinking abilities came in extremely handy as the social calendar was off the charts. And that was where I was meant to be for this moment in my life. It was here that I learnt more about myself and it set me on another huge life path. I met my husband through work friends (forever in their debt) and it’s unbelievable just how quickly the years have passed to get us to where we are now. A home, a big wedding and our little bubba – what a whirlwind! But these two humans are my everything and I know this is where I’m meant to be now.

I feel like I’ve won the lottery.

***

That’s the extremely shortened version of my last ten years. There’s more to it than those mentioned but you get the gist. I look back on everything – career wise, social life, relationships, personal development – and sometimes I can’t believe I’ve achieved so much and experienced so many things.

I’m really happy.

Because I know I’ve done a lot of work on myself to get where I am today.

And that takes a lot of courage, determination and a shitload of wine to get you through the tough days.

x.x.

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