Category: Curious Thoughts

Years

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A year changes you a lot. You might not notice it but it does.

Bit by bit, day by day, there’s small changes happening to your body, mind and spirit. It’s amazing actually, and it’s lovely to look back and realise that you have changed. Because it’s good for you.

What about the change over ten years though?

Well, you’re a completely different being after that.

Think about where you were ten years ago. Really think about it. Are you a different person to who you are now? Have you discovered something about yourself that you never knew possible? Are you still the same wonderful person but with just a bit more grey hair?

Me? Ten years ago I was a mess.

Mess in the sense that I didn’t know where I was going but also I was just hating on myself for thinking it was my fault.

But now I know I didn’t actually screw things up and it was ok that I didn’t know which way to go.

Ten years ago my world came crashing down and I was a wreck. But – like a cliché – it was the best thing that ever happened to me. It set a chain of events in motion that would never have happened otherwise and it completely changed me inside and out.

Admittedly, the wreck came because of a breakup. Someone else had control over my heart and it shattered me into a million pieces when I wasn’t looking. I didn’t know how to put myself back together. It all sounds a bit dramatic, and to some people it might not mean much. But I’m a very loyal and emotional person so I thought there was no way of coming back from that.

But I’m so fucking grateful my heart got broken.

I would never have seen what I am capable of.

I would never have stepped outside of the box.

I would never have changed my path.

I could write an entire collection on the things I wouldn’t had done if that moment hadn’t happened. But I’m sure you get my point.

And it’s not as if I didn’t like who I was ten years ago. I was totally fine. I was happy.

But when something like that knocks you for six and redirects you, it’s pretty huge.

It helped me grow up and figure out who I wanted to be. I changed because I looked for experiences to help me and I decided to push myself.

Here’s a (extremely brief) recap of how the last ten years have looked for me.

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After the breakup, I had to move back in with my Mum, and after a few months of mixing tears with drinking, I ended up making the move east to Queensland to live with a friend. I needed to escape and, if I didn’t, I knew I wouldn’t get over it. I spent six months in the Sunshine State partying with new faces almost every night.

After not having any luck on the job hunt in Queensland I landed a job in Melbourne so I made the move south. It was here that I came into my own and LIVED. I absolutely loved that city. I would move back if it wasn’t so bloody cold. But I was living on my own, figuring stuff out for myself and it was absolutely the best thing I could ever have done. I was changing every single day and that was so important.

I met different people, I tried new things, said YES to new experiences – I pushed myself into a new place. And it changed me. It opened my eyes and I felt amazing.

I also drank a fair amount of red wine and smoked a lot of ciggies so I was, of course, on top of my game at most points.

Not gonna lie though, there were a few shit days too. It wasn’t all fun and games. I wasn’t very nice to my body. Or my mind. I was a bit destructive at times but I know now it was all part of my process. I needed to let things happen to me and to figure it out for myself.

I notched up a blur of fun experiences during this time. Everything from exploring the east coast of our beautiful country, multiple overseas adventures, attending festivals and gigs, many 1am knock off drinks after a late shift, countless inappropriate antics (there’s a photo of me dressed as a pregnant nun around somewhere),  and of course big laughs with many new friends.

By far the best thing about the last ten years was meeting some of the most incredible people from all walks of life. I absolutely loved meeting all those faces. And most of these friends are still in my life today even though we’ve all got our own things going on.

After a couple of years, I was ready to come home as I missed my family (and the warmer WA weather) so I came home to no job and landed at Mum’s again. Soon after, my luck came through with a job at a radio station where I still work today. A workplace where my wine drinking abilities came in extremely handy as the social calendar was off the charts. And that was where I was meant to be for this moment in my life. It was here that I learnt more about myself and it set me on another huge life path. I met my husband through work friends (forever in their debt) and it’s unbelievable just how quickly the years have passed to get us to where we are now. A home, a big wedding and our little bubba – what a whirlwind! But these two humans are my everything and I know this is where I’m meant to be now.

I feel like I’ve won the lottery.

***

That’s the extremely shortened version of my last ten years. There’s more to it than those mentioned but you get the gist. I look back on everything – career wise, social life, relationships, personal development – and sometimes I can’t believe I’ve achieved so much and experienced so many things.

I’m really happy.

Because I know I’ve done a lot of work on myself to get where I am today.

And that takes a lot of courage, determination and a shitload of wine to get you through the tough days.

x.x.

Mum

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Mum’s. Aren’t they bloody great? Always there when we need them, helping us out, giving advice, teaching us secrets of the trade. What would we do without them?

Don’t get me wrong, dads are pretty awesome too, but obviously we’re focusing on mums today as it’s their big day. The one day* where everyone in the family pulls their finger out so mum doesn’t have to do anything. They get to sleep in, no cooking, no cleaning, get pampered, wined and dined… basically treated like royalty before that 24 hours of magic is over and they go back to packing lunches and cleaning up shit (quite literally in some cases).

*one day isn’t enough, guys. Make sure you do this for your Mum more than once a year. She’s bloody put up with a lot from you kids over the years so she deserves some extra love on those other 364 days.

Today I wrote five things that I am grateful my Mum (g’day Sandy) taught me. She has of course taught me a lot more than just five things in my 35 years around the sun but I didn’t want to rabbit on too much so I’ve narrowed it down.

These aren’t your standard “be kind to people” or “always take a jacket with you” or “don’t tell lies, your nose will grow” type of things that of course she also taught me (obviously my nose is perfect, I’ve never told any lies ever…) They’re more just nice things that I’m glad she taught me instead of someone else.

This is purely an appreciation post for my mumsy dearest, and it’s nice to think about the things your mum does for you, so make sure you take the time to do the same and write down something you’re grateful your mum gave or taught you.

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Skincare – SPF. All. The. Way.

Mum has beautiful skin and it’s because she’s always taken really good care of herself. She’s about to hit another milestone birthday but you wouldn’t bloody know it.

Growing up I remember she always had stacks of bottles in her bathroom filled with magic potions that she would lather on morning and night. And, luckily for me, she got me into the same routines during my teenage years. She taught me the importance of SPF, hydration, eye cream, cleansing, night cream, why your face moisturiser should always continue down to your décolletage, why you should still always wear SPF when the weather is overcast and so much more.

It seems like pretty basic stuff that everyone probably knows, and you too possibly learnt it from your Mum, but I love that she taught me all that stuff at a young age. Even though teenagers can be SUCH a drag sometimes and never listen to their Mums, this is one time I’m grateful past Jess wasn’t such a little cow and just listened to her Mother.

**

Tea – how do you brew?

Everyone knows I’m a tea fiend. Always have been, can’t see it ending any time soon. And who got me into tea? Mum.

Most mums love a good cuppa (I know I’ve already got that part of being a mum covered once Nugget comes into this world) and my Mum is no different. She got me into drinking tea when I was a teenager. We’d sit down at night with our tea pot and bikkies and watch our shows.

Not only did she get me into drinking tea, but she got me brewing proper loose-leaf tea too. In a pot. None of this tea bag in a cup business. Nope, with Sandy it was always the good shit. Look, she probably installed the tea snob in me at a young age but I’m ok with that. Life’s too short to drink shit tea. I’ll always stand by that.

I’m grateful that she taught me how to brew a proper pot of tea. Sure, it’s a skill that I can’t put on my resume (unless I’m going for a job at a tea shop) but, goddamn, you can bet your sweet ass you’ll enjoy a good cuppa when you come round to my joint.

**

Pasta sauce – a constant in my life

Mum is a bloody good cook and she taught all three of us kids to cook at some point. I must admit, my sister and brother are probably a bit more skilled in the kitchen than I am but one thing I am proud of is my ability to knock up a beaut pasta sauce.

My Dad is Italian and Mum is Australian so of course Mum had to learn how to make a good pasta sauce from scratch. She learnt from my Nonna but over the years I’m sure it’s changed in slight variations from time to time. Mum’s sauce is the bomb (I feel like that line could be narrated by Dale from The Castle. Non-Australians, please see this clip to enhance your knowledge of a classic Australian film). It’s so good that if she’s just made a fresh batch when I’m over for a visit, I’ll have a bowl of it on its own. And I’ll generally leave with a container full too.

Naturally, Mum taught me how to nail a good batch of sauce before I moved out of home. This was to ensure I always had something decent to eat apart from Nutella sandwiches. Pasta is my all-time favourite food and I’m glad Mum armed me with the ability to make an amazing sauce. If she hadn’t, I’d probably have diabetes from the amount of Nutella I would have consumed during those first few out-of-home years.

**

Always pack the unexpected things – Mum’s method

This one might seem a bit over the top, but this rule has helped me out many times. When we head out of town for a few days I’ve learnt to always pack a few extra handy items. If you’ve got the room in the car for an extra bag of supplies, just whack it in. Mum always thinks of the things that other people don’t normally think of, things that when you’re at your destination you realise they would be bloody handy to have.

Case in point, a while ago a bunch of us went down south and stayed in a big holiday house. Generally, those places are stocked with most kitchen items but I decided to use the ol’ Sandy trick and pack a few extra items juuuuust in case. Well, that bag of goodies turned out to be a life saver more than once. Simple things like cling wrap, paper towel, empty containers for leftovers, butter, tongs, a good knife and disposable baking trays were a hit with my friends. I know, I need new friends. But none of them had thought about these sort things so they were suitably impressed that I managed to save the bacon.

The Sandy method of thinking has paid off in more ways than one in the past and I think it’s why I tend to go that one step further when I’m prepping for something. It’s not a bad trait to have, except for when I’m trying to fit a tea pot into my luggage, and I know I really don’t need it but what if I want a cup of tea and they don’t have a tea pot?! #crisis

**

Family and food – both very important

This is probably my favourite thing Mum instilled in me. Growing up, Sandy would always cook a smashing dinner and make us sit around the dinner table to eat. It was a non-negotiable option. It might not seem like a big deal but looking back it was an important time for the five of us to be together and talk. No tv, just actual real-life talking in-person. What a concept. Or, in my brother’s case, no talking, just be annoying and throw peas at me.

I always remember this as being important to Mum but as a kid you’re like “but Muuuuummm I wanna eat in my room” or something ridiculous. I’m glad she made a point of making us do it and I know it’s something I will continue to do with my own family.

We still do it to this day but it’s a bit different now. After my parents divorced, my family unit was broken for quite a number of years and it was pretty shitty, but that’s not the case now. Mum is remarried, and we have regular family dinners with everyone, including Dad, coming together to catch up. It’s a bizarre concept to outsiders and yes, it’s completely bonkers most of the time as we’re all loud and a bloody mad, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I’m glad we take the time to be together as life gets pretty hectic and sometimes we forget to take stock of what’s really important. Being around family is one of my favourite things and with our family expanding rapidly with little ones it just keeps getting better and better. I hope our little one is ready for all of the noise it’s being born into…

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Some of these things might sound a bit trivial to most people but for me they each mean something big in their own little way. Mum taught me a lot about being a good person and values too, but I like that she taught me these five things. Without her I would have bad skin, be drinking shit tea, pasta sauce would probably come out of a jar, I’d be lost without packing those extra items and I wouldn’t know that family time is really bloody important.

 

Happy Mother’s Day to all the Mums out there.

Take a load off, pour a glass of chardonnay and enjoy yourself.

You bloody deserve it.

 

happy mother’s day, mumsy

 

xx

There’s a Bun in my Oven

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So there’s been a fair bit going on lately. I am now pregnant with my first child and it’s been an interesting few months to say the least!

But now the word’s out there, I can finally share the thoughts and things that happened the moment I found out I was pregnant and in the days that followed.

Let me preface this entry by saying that we are absolutely stoked to be having a baby, and we had planned on starting for a family this year, however it may have still been a bit of a shock when I first found out I was indeed up the duff, as you may read below. I didn’t think it would happen so quickly!

Some of you know that I’ve been dealing with all kinds of health issues over the years, including endometriosis which can cause infertility, so one cannot blame me for thinking there may be a chance I would have trouble falling pregnant.

Alas, this was not so.

We are now halfway through the pregnancy and loving every minute of it and we are excited for everything to be changing very soon.

But for now…

I bring you, the “Holy Crap, There’s a Bun in My Oven” Diary

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Diary date: Saturday 24/11/18

Oh jeez. I am sooo hungover. This is not a pretty hangover day. This is a “I need Maccas right now or I’ll drown the cat” kind of hangover day. Damn you work Christmas party. And the worst thing is that I’ve left my car at work and I have to go and get it today. FML.

I would soon find out that this in fact was not the worst thing to happen to me during this hangover.

Ok, it’s about 10am, I’m crawling out of bed to get to the loo. Hang on. Wasn’t I meant to get my period yesterday? Yeah surely, cos I remember thinking earlier in the week that I’ll have my damn period when I’m dressed like a roller derby girl for the Christmas party. Hmmm… hang on…

Where’s that period tracker app… 4 days late. Ohhhh. Snap.

I immediately start trying to think of other times this may have happened, when I’ve been this many days late, but I can’t recall any. I’m pretty regular so I know something is definitely up.

Tim (the Husband) comes into the bedroom and sees my face during this hangover state. I give him the 4-1-1. He is not fussed by this (yet).

With my hangover still ticking away, we decide we need to go and pick up my car, and at the same time I guess a trip to the pharmacy wouldn’t hurt…

Let me tell you now, driving my car home (yes, I was probably not in the best state to drive but let’s not focus on that right now) with that little paper bag of pee sticks on the front seat next to me was quite possibly the longest 15 minute drive in my entire life. It’s like it was mocking me, knowing what was coming.

Right, let’s pee on a stick. The correct way.

The directions say to leave it for 3 minutes… ok, maybe the fact that the lines are appearing straight away means it’s broken? I’ll just put it on the bathmat for a bit, leave it there for the time being.

At this point, I’ve walked out of the bathroom and sat on the bed, thinking I’ll have to wait for 3 agonising minutes before seeing if that little stick says my life is about to change. But lucky for me, I’m an impatient bugger, so after about a minute I go back in the bathroom.

I’m not picking it up, I’m just gonna leave it on the ground. Maybe if I don’t touch it the results will disappear? Yeah, I’ll stand and just look at it from up here.

Tim comes into the bathroom to ask “why aren’t you waiting for me…” but then sees me staring down onto this little pee stick on the ground, like it’s a spider and I’m trying to not get too close to it, yet I really want to look at it. “Oh…” he says as he looks at the pee stick and then back at me with surprise. I am also in some form of shock/hangover state with my brain trying to compute the enormity of the situation. But hangovers are not helpful with these sorts of brain functions.

Shit a brick.

As Tim picks up the stick to examine it more closely like a normal human being would, I start to simultaneously laugh and cry small tears of shock/hangover/happiness. I also think the fact that I hadn’t got my Maccas yet had something to do with it but anyway.

Holy crap this has never happened before… what do I do?!? I have done a few of these bloody pee sticks in the past but none have had this result. I am unprepared for this kind of news right now. Fuck I need a Maccas coke. I know, I’ll pee on another stick.

Lucky for me I bought a 3-pack of pee sticks (bargain) so I figure I might as well do another one, just to double check.

Oh right, it’s the same result. Cool, game on. Why am I still surprised by this? You moron, yes you are pregnant! Now I really need that Maccas coke.

I decide bed is probably the best place for me to be right now so I lay down whilst Tim kindly does the Maccas run (fiiiinally) so he can get some sense out of me.

My head at this point does not know what to do. It’s swimming with thoughts. Basically swimming the fucking Rotto swim with thoughts. Husband is back with the holy goods and I eat everything, nuggets, fries and half a cheeseburger. I need it all. And that Maccas coke has never tasted so good.

I’m just gonna stay in bed all day, I don’t think the world needs to see me today. Let’s watch movies and be sloths, ok? Ok.

The rest of the day was legit a sloth day and I decide the next best step would be to book a doctors appointment for Monday and see what happens next.

Diary date: Sunday 25/11/18

You know what, I’ve got one more pee stick left, I might just check if it’s still there…

Yep, still pregnant.

Diary date: Monday 26/11/18

Lucky my GP opens at 8am so I call first thing to get an appointment, I’ll take anything. Bingo, 9:45am available, lock it in Eddy.

I get to work and ready to (try) focus on a bit of work before I get to the doctors.

Right, so I’m at work before 8:30 which means I’ll be able to get a couple of things done then shoot out for half an hour to get to the docs.

Hang on, what?!? What is all this excitement about? Why’s everyone in the studio…

Noooo no no not today, my brain can’t handle this!!! Fuuuuuck!

I should probably explain that I work at a radio station. And I take care of all the big competitions where we give away amazing things like big holidays or fun experiences or concert tickets or… bucketloads of cash. Which was exactly what had happened the moment I walked into work.

See, over the past 6 weeks our station had a competition running where listeners had to guess what our mystery word could be. If they guessed it, they would win one hundred thousand dollars.

I’m not kidding.

And that exact moment I walked into work was the moment that someone had correctly guessed what the mystery word was. Hence why people were all excited, because someone had just won a hundred thousand dollars.

Which meant a fuckload of work for me and my poor brain which was also trying to comprehend a pregnancy.

Are you actually serious?! Oh my God this is not happening. Not today!!! Look happy! You need to look happy that someone just won all that money! Oh jeeeez. My head is going to explode. I have so much work to do now! Don’t cry. Big girl pants on.

I manage to talk to the big winner and sort some details before I head out to my GP appointment. I get in the car and call Tim where my brain goes into overdrive and spews the whole story out. I can’t tell anyone at work what’s going on! It’s kinda funny when you think about it now, but at the time my brain was just in meltdown with so much going on.

Ok Doc, this is what happened, three pee sticks down and they all say the same thing. Cool, thanks for confirming now what the fuck do I do from here? Righto, you can do that calculation cos my brain ain’t handling life today.

Turns out, there’s an interesting way of calculating your due date, based off the first day of your last period. I never knew that. And now I do. And now I have a baby due on the 2nd August 2019. Cool beans.

Ohhh the 2nd August? That’s the day after every horses birthday, oh jeez it’s going to get teased like Gemma does if it’s born a day early…

Random fun fact: in the southern hemisphere, every horse has its birthday on the 1st August. This is to standardise the horse racing industry when putting horses in grades for racing. Another fun fact is that my sister, Gemma, is also born on this date, so each year my brother will buy her a bag of carrots and a box of sugar cubes for her birthday. I can see this tradition continuing if our baby comes a day early.

I leave the GP rooms with some scan referrals, blood test paperwork and notes on the next steps and things to think about. All I can do is put everything away and try not to think about it until later that night (hahahaha like THAT was going to happen) cos I had a major thing to deal with at work to the tune of one hundred thousand dollars.

Diary date: Thursday 29/11/18

Ah brilliant, I’ve woken up with a cold. Just what I need. Although this may get me out of the second Christmas party happening at work tomorrow…

I head to work for a few hours but then decide it’s best to head home. And there’s no point in coming in tomorrow as everyone’s going to be schmoozing clients at the Christmas party so I’ll just stay home.

Safe to say I was kinda relieved to not be at work so I could sit in my own thoughts.

About being pregnant.

With an actual baby.

Wowee.

Diary date: Saturday 1/12/18

Tim and I went to a preview screening of Ralph Breaks the Internet this morning, it was super awesome! That’s one thing I’m definitely prepared for with the baby, my love for cartoons and kids films. Watch me shine, bitch.

Then my sister and her rugrat Parker (18 months) came over for a visit in the afternoon. We decided we would tell Gem the news today as I kinda think I might need a hand getting through the next few months. But I may have completely blindsided her by distracting her with a jigsaw puzzle that was sitting on our kitchen table and then just blurting out the words at a random moment. After taking my sweet ass time to get it out. This is basically how the conversation went…

Gem: oh cool you, you guys got that puzzle. I’m gonna help.

Jess: yeah cool go for it

G: how long did it take you to do this? Was it hard?

J: it wasn’t too bad…um I guess…

G: I’m so good at puzzles

J: yeah… do you want a cup of tea?

G: yeah

J: cool

G: so we need to decide what we’re doing for Christmas lunch, what everyone needs to make

J: umm…

G: I’m going to do the ham and a cheesecake and I think Mum wants to make that salad thing plus buy those chicken things but I was thinking if you want to make a lasagne? Is that easy?

J: yeah cool

G: sweet

J: so… I’m pregnant

G: what the fuck?!

J: yeah

Just your standard Christmas food conversation with a bit of baby thrown in. What of it?

Cue tears from me and Gemma (which is strange cos she NEVER cries) and hugs all round. Parker is oblivious to the news as he and Tim are busy pulling books from the bottom shelf of the cupboard.

We chat all things baby and she asks if I’m going to tell Mum and Dad yet. I’m only 5 weeks along so I’m hesitant but Gem reckons it’s a good idea to have their support. Tim and I talk about it later that night and decide we will tell our parents as soon as we can. Which is great cos we’re booked in for breakfast with my folks in the morning….

Diary date: Sunday 2/12/18

Righto, this is it. Time to tell the olds what’s going on. I know they’ll be stoked for us but jeez it’s such a weird thing to tell people…

We arrive to find Mum and Dad already there and so is little Parker – good, maybe I can get him to tell them for me.

Breakfast is ordered and served. Probably a good time as any to say it now.

Can I just point out that the first few times you actually have to tell people that you’re pregnant with an actual baby is so bloody weird and you just feel super weird/emotional so it doesn’t really come out right so you just start crying instead?

It’s weird.

Anyway, this is how it happened.

Jess: Sooo I’m preg— [cue tears] preg– [more tears] 5 weeks [laughing tears]

Tim: We’re pregnant. About 5 weeks along.

Mum: Yay!

Dad: [tears in his eyes]

Parker: [squealing cos he’s got a minute where no ones watching him so he’s throwing scrambled eggs on the floor]

Well now that’s done I guess I can stop crying now… nope, ok then, just keep going then, you big fool…

*************

I can confirm that I made it out of that breakfast with puffy eyes and scrambled eggs in my hair (from Parker, not me) but I felt better than I had the day before so I guess things were looking up.

From there it got easier to think about and the shock eventually wore off, making it believable that it was actually happening. I feel like everything was in a haze for the first couple of weeks but after that wore off it just became more and more exciting to think about how ready we are to grow our family.

We may not have been expecting to fall pregnant right at that moment but I’m so unbelievably happy we did. Everything happens for a reason and I know this little Nugget (yes, as an homage to that early pregnancy Maccas feed, we call it Nugget during in utero) was meant to come along to shake things up for us.

I’ll be sure to update you with my stories when I can but for now just remember, it’s really hard to pee on a stick when you’re hungover. So, if you do think you’re pregnant, maybe wait until the booze has left your system. Eat some nuggets, watch some trash and let the day pass you by.

Yeah, I could have done that but then I wouldn’t have this story to tell.

xx

lift

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I just had an amazing two hour long phone chat with my bestie. Yep, two hours. But it felt like 15 minutes. Even with my red wine headache from last night’s antics, (is three bottles between two people too many?) I loved spending my morning talking away an impending hangover. I was also 100% flaked on my couch so that certainly helped ease my head. If we lived in the same state then we’d be chatting IRL but, alas, she’s still in chilly Melbourne.

We chatted about all sorts of things… general life catch up, my recent therapy session, her recent difficult conversations with an old friend… and then we talked about anxiety, panic attacks, babies… so much. After that we then exchanged our recent creative achievements which was beautiful. She shared with me a song that she had written and recorded with her band and, past my tears, my heart swelled with pride for her! I was literally speechless, not because it was a surprise to me that she is talented (she’s been singing for years and her band’s latest album is awesome, check out my favourite track from the album here) but because I wasn’t expecting to feel so emotional over it. I’m listening to it again right now but I’m not crying, I swear… ok, I’m crying.

She wrote a song, pitched it to her band and they recorded it. Something she didn’t think she could do. Or that the band would like. It makes me so bloody happy that she took that step and said hey I’ve written some stuff, what do you think? Cos it’s fucking hard to do that. Anyone out there who creates something, whatever it may be, knows how hard it is to push your own work. And do you know what’s really nice? Telling someone what they have made is amazing. Hearing their genuine happiness that you liked something they made. Not everything that people make will be liked by everyone. And that’s fine. If the song was shit I would have told her and burnt my ears off. KIDDING! Of course I wouldn’t say or do that. Because I’m not an asshole. But I would still tell her it’s great and how amazing I think she is for putting herself out there.

The pride you have when someone close to you creates something is such an amazing feeling. You’re like “I know that person! Lookit what my person is doing! I’m so happy for my person!” And I was so moved by the song and her voice, I loved how it made me feel. And it makes me feel SO HAPPY to feel like this. ALL OF THE FEELS, GUYS! It’s a fuckin feel festival over here! I wish she could have shared it with me sooner but I know she needed time… I too am guilty of not sharing not only my thoughts but my creative achievements either so I totally get it.

Anyway, lovely people, the reason for today’s post is to highlight the fact that my friend did an awesome thing and she feels amazing for sharing her soul with me. And you should encourage the people in your life to do their amazing thing. Lift them up because even if they don’t say it, they need it sometimes.

xx

I am 1 in 10

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Saturday night. I was out with my family, dancing, singing, loads of laughing… having an absolute ball. It was the perfect end to a huge week of celebrations for us as I had just gotten married the week prior so we were all still on a high and loving it.

Cut to 5am the next morning.

I’m woken by excruciating pains in my lower abdomen. Pains so bad I can’t even sit up.

Ah yes. It’s just my normal period pains kicking in.

I lay there for a bit, pulling my knees into my chest and curling into a ball trying to get comfortable until I end up whimpering so much that my husband gets up and heads to the kitchen to warm up my heat pack without question. He knows this scene all too well.

From here I will stay in bed most of the day, with my heat packs in constant rotation and multiple cups of tea by my bedside. Some days the pains will catch me off guard and I can be found crouching on the kitchen floor or the bathroom tiles waiting for the pain to go before I can walk again. Yes, walking. Just standing or walking is a challenge when the pains come through. So, I just park myself where possible until it dies down for a bit and I can move back to bed before the next wave of pain hits.

***

This is standard practice when living with Endometriosis, a condition where tissue similar to the lining of the womb grows outside it into other parts of the body, resulting in painful spasms and some fertility issues amongst other things. I’m not alone with this disease as it affects 1 in 10 women and, so far, there is no known cure.

***

I’ve lived with endometriosis my entire adult life from the age of 17. Over the years, I’ve had 4 laparoscopy procedures to remove the endo – these are performed through keyhole surgery and each operation normally gives you a couple of pain-free years (if you’re lucky) before the endo grows back again. Yes. It comes back. Isn’t that a neat trick!

Endo is a condition which generally cannot be seen from the outside and it’s hard to explain to people who have never heard of it. The sceptical look on some people’s faces when you try to describe it? You can just tell they’re thinking “So… you’ve got some period pains?”

It’s more than that.

You can’t move, can’t walk, can’t focus on anything else other than trying to get rid of that pain.

Take painkillers you say? I wish. I’ve tried so many different forms and nothing works. It’s such a deep, difficult pain to feel. And to describe it… it’s like a thousand daggers just slicing through your internal organs non-stop. With fire.

In terms of ongoing medication, I was on the contraceptive pill for 17 years after being told by numerous doctors and experts that “being on the pill diminishes the pain of endo”. So of course, I stayed on the pill, thinking if my pain was this bad when I’m on the pill then surely it would be worse if I went off it. For years I struggled with monthly pains which were sometimes so bad that I couldn’t get out of bed. It was horrible.

It got to a point where my gynecologist advised me to skip my period each month and only have a period 2 – 3 times a year. I took his advice and at first the pains did go away. But soon after I was still getting pains each month even though I was skipping my periods.

***

Years ago, I started researching endo/the pill a bit more and I made the decision to go off the pill. My GP advised against it and wanted to keep me on it “just in case” but I didn’t feel right. After being on the pill for 17 years I felt like my body deserved a break. So, I stopped. And I waited for the pains.

Amazingly, the first few monthly pains reduced ever so slightly. Yes, I was now having a period every month instead of a few each year but the decreased pain levels were a win. Now that I’ve been off the pill for a couple of years, my body has gotten used to it and each period is different to the next. One will be quite painful and the next one will be not so much. This result isn’t what you normally hear but I’ve learnt that there’s not a one-size-fits-all remedy so if you’ve done your time with one thing and want to try another then go for it. It’s your body after all, you’re the one that has to live in it.

***

So why am I finally telling my #endostory? Because of the Worldwide EndoMarch campaign which aims to funds for further research and to also raise awareness of the condition.

I’m not telling my story for people to feel sorry for me. I’m not doing it to gain anything for myself. I’m doing it in case it helps just one other girl out there who is struggling and doesn’t know what to do, someone who can’t get a straight answer from a doctor, someone who just needs to know that they are not alone and there are other people they can talk to. I think it’s important for women to feel comfortable to talk about this sort of stuff. It’s very normal for most of us and that’s ok.

When you’ve got something like this that literally comes around every 4 weeks, and can take days to recover from, it can be very hard to shake it off and return to normal life without feeling down. It gets to you! Don’t forget all the other usual things that come along with having a period – mood swings, headaches, depression, fatigue – yep you still get all those bad boys on top of those debilitating pains. What a combo! So it’s ok that we feel like we’re going to explode with rage at any moment. There’s a lot of shit going on.

Endo can be hard to predict. It’s not easy to live with and it can be extremely draining on your personality but I try to stay positive and be the best version of myself when I can.

If you want more information about Endometriosis or if you wish to donate to further research into this condition, head to www.endometriosisaustralia.org

♡♡♡

Hey guys! Quick note… don’t forget that I’m no expert or medical professional but having lived with the condition going on 16 years I know what works for me. The story and advice I’ve given here is based off my own experience so make sure you chat to your doctor or medical professional when seeking advice.

Comment below and tell your story or share this post if you don’t feel comfortable sharing your own experience yet.
x

R U OK?

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The R U OK? Day campaign is over for another year but that doesn’t mean you should stop asking the question. Always ask.

You don’t need a specific date to ask your mates if they are ok. Any day is a good day to ask, to talk, to be there for someone.

Check in with your peeps every now and then. Let them know they are not alone and you’re always there for them. Always.

Why? Because sometimes it’s hard for people who are struggling to get the words out to ask for help. To know that they have someone to talk to. But if they hear from a friend like you, someone that’s willing to listen, they might just let you in and help them through the dark.

If you’re on the other side, feeling down and out, the fog is getting thicker… take the offer. If someone asks R U OK?, answer them honestly. Don’t be afraid. Think about how hard it is to ask for help. It’s SO FUCKING HARD. But if you take the opportunity to answer honestly then you will slowly break down those barriers.

I still have ups and downs with my anxiety and depression all the time and some days it shows more than others. It’s a fuckin bitch of a thing, heck, I even had a moment this morning! But I’ve now got friends who ask me all the right questions and I know they will be there when I need them.

I know all too well it’s hard to get the words out and ask for help. But people won’t make you feel any less of a human if you ask to talk. They will listen and they will fill your heart with warmth.

So please, go ask your mates, family members, work colleagues, give your pet a cuddle – just let them know you’re there for them.

♥♥♥

Other services like Lifeline can help when you’re feeling at a loss. Get in touch with them here.

Role model

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If you follow my personal Instagram account (what? You don’t? Quick, click here and get on board!) you would know that I went to see Adele on her first stop Down Under. Here’s a few words on why I left the concert on a high.

Last night I got to witness an incredible performance by the one and only Adele. And when I say incredible I mean it was actually a mind-blowing-insanely-good-heart-stopping-goosebump-inducing performance, wrapped up with an important message for everyone to take home.

Adele was my holy grail. My big catch. Listening to her songs for years now, and embracing her uniqueness, I’ve always wanted to hear that powerful voice live. And under the stars, no less (a voice like that cannot be confined indoors). I just knew she would be sensational if I ever got to see her.

My wish was granted when Adele took to the stage last night, outdoors, to wow me with songs spanning her entire career. Apparently, there was another 64,999 people there too but I didn’t notice. I was so absorbed in her performance. I sat there for most of the show with my mouth gaped open, disbelief that she was actually there in front of me.

 

As Adele rolled through the songs that made her the powerhouse she is today, it was the moments in between the songs that made it even more special for me. There’s an insight into her soul, the stories behind those massive songs and realising that she’s had huge turning points in her life, but hearing them out loud makes it real.

She was honest and told us she was nervous. It showed a vulnerable side to her which is so refreshing, making her the bravest performer most of us have ever seen. There was no big showy act to prove anything to anyone. It was amazing. It was genuine and beautiful.

She’s had the heartbreak, the shit times, the moments that tore her in two. But she talked about them. She was honest and spoke to openly about all these impacts which made her. Some did break her but she pulled herself out and made it something bigger.

Even though the stories were unexpected they were certainly welcome. Adele opened up to us like we were old friends, she wanted to bring us into her world. Her sincerity is inspiring. Her humble nature is captivating. She showed that you need to stay true to yourself and let the good things come through after the bad has ended. And I am forever in her debt for reminding me to be humble, honest and truthful to myself and stay above the rising doubt waters.

Simply remarkable.

A role model for the ages. Adele, we thank you x

 

Adele Perth 2017 www.thecuriousobserver.com

Changing it up

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The Curious Observer has had a refresh!

Remember not too long ago I mentioned things would be changing after my hit of inspiration? Well, it’s all finally happening!

So what’s it all about? Two things – sharing what I love and getting to know people!

It all came from my curiosity of wanting to know more about the people behind the brands and Instagram accounts that I love. Who are they? Where do they live? What is their background? Are they a cat or a dog person? You know, all the important questions…

So, starting in May, The Curious Observer will be bringing you profiles of the people behind the brands!

I’ll be profiling people from a range of Instagram accounts and brands, big and small, so you’ll get to know all about them.

I’ll also be posting my favourite finds on Instagram so you can get to know me and what I like. I’ll be sharing things I love from accounts that inspire and entertain me.

I’m super excited to start sharing and help you discover new and amazing brands that are out there.
The first profile will be live on TCO website soon and I’ll be sharing my loves in Insta even sooner so stick around, you might discover something new.

You can check out my Insta page right here https://www.instagram.com/the.curious.observer/

keep it fresh

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I just read an interesting email from the fabulous Gala Darling which made me think a little about all this blog biz. For those of you who don’t know who Gala Darling is then I suggest you hip hop it over to her site www.galadarling.com now and check out her stuff. I always love getting her email in my inbox as it’s always full of amazingly positive stories and good advice. Always seems to come right when you need it!

In Gala’s latest post she tells us how she’s been blogging for ten years now. Ten years! Think about where you were ten years ago and how much you/life has changed since then. Ten years ago I hadn’t even had any overseas adventures yet, I didn’t know what I wanted to do in life and I was in a relationship that I thought I’d be in forever. Not only that, all our social media sites that we now log into first thing each day weren’t around. So people like Gala who were blogging way back then have seen how much the scape has changed and what a difference social media really makes.

Fun fact: did you know that way back in 1994 a dude called Justin Hall from Swarthmore College started his online “personal homepage” called Links.net which is now known as the the first blog recognised in the online world. The term “blog” came from the word “weblog” which was created by Jorn Barger around 1997, used to describe the process of “logging the web”. The word was then shorted again in 1999 to “blog”,  which we all now know is a way of showing people lots of photos of your cat.

Gala has even admitted that she barely reads blogs much any more. There are a few that she gets stuck in to but that’s about it. For her it’s more about Instagram these days, which I totally agree with..  you get a better feeling for who the people are and what they like in an easy to digest format. Plus it’s such an amazing way to be quickly immersed in some beautiful photos and content alike and to then follow other similar pages/stalk people that you used to date… and then next thing you know you’re 76 weeks deep in someone’s account and you have a heart attack when you almost like one of their photos. Yeah, like that hasn’t happened to you!

So why the hell, you ask, are you bagging out blogging and praising Instagram? Well I’m not really, I just put that question in your head. All I’m saying is that we don’t need to be typing an essay of things that we love, or ranting and raving in a 7 page blog post about how the teenager at McDonald’s forgot to give you sauce with your nuggets and that the kids of today don’t know how hard it was growing up without the internet (seriously, remember when you had to research stuff at the library… from books!?) and they need a kick up the bum. People don’t want to read about that from you. They’ll get that from all those online lifestyle magazines that they follow on every social media site (but really they want to unfollow, it’s just that everyone in the office talks about the articles so they don’t want to miss out on the convo) so really you should be giving them something else to think about, something else to read.

I can’t talk! Some of my previous posts (not that there is many of them) have been long- winded and whingey. But it’s what I wanted to post at the time. I’ve had a blog on and off for about five years now. In the past it’s mainly consisted of poetry, ramblings and photos as I’ve never really known what to blog about. But now I have other ideas as to how I want this space to run. Yes I know it’s taken me a while to figure it out. But I’m the queen of procrastination. I’ve procrastinated so much so that I’ve even found out which house I would be in if I was at Hogwarts (Gryffindor BTW). Thanks Pottermore #potterhead4lyfe

Which leads me back to the questions that Gala asked herself in that email.

What do I want to write about?

How do I want this space to look?

Those questions are pretty important and hard to answer if you don’t really have any idea.

I want to write about people, things that are happening, thing you should do, places you should go, things that I like and that you should be checking out too cos clearly if I like it then it’s awesome. And if you don’t like my suggestions then that’s fine, I can point you in the direction of the unfollow button.

But if you want to stick around and see what I’ve got coming up then I’m glad to have you.

xx

New Year, Same Same but Different

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SIX PEOPLE YOU WILL FIND IN YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA FEED OVER THE HOLIDAY PERIOD

Go on, admit it. The new year is coming and you have this fuzzy feeling all over you of how things are going to change and be different come the 1st January. It happens every year. You get all “yeah! I’m going to quit my job, go work with orphans in the third world and make a difference next year!” or “OMG yesss it’s a NEW ME next year, guys! I’m going to be fitter and greener and let my armpit hair grow out so everyone will know I’m a hippie now”.

Yep, it’s guaranteed to hit you at some point which means it’s hitting your friends and people you follow on social media right now too. So what can you expect over the next few days?

Number 1: The “New Year New Me” dingbat

Can’t begin to explain how many of these people are going to be in your face on New Year’s Day. Ugh you just wait… there’ll be the predictable girl banging on about how she’s not going to get caught up in all the social bitchiness next year or the one who is going to make a complete transformation in the first week so you’ll see loads of snaps of them at the gym with a face full of make-up (and no sweat?) #fitspiration #toteslovemynewyearbod

Ooooh what about the one who’s going to sign up for every creative course under the sun and going to start an online store selling shoes for caterpillars or something ridiculous. Not saying people can’t change or want to better themselves but you are still you and the clock ticking over at midnight doesn’t automatically mean you can change overnight. It takes time to become Mother Teresa, I should know. Go ahead and do your course, let me know when you’re proficient in ice sculpting.

Number 2: The Inspirational Quote fiend

This is a big one. There’s going to be stacks of these bitches flying around. You’re gonna be so damn inspired by them that you’re goingto want to go out, buy a journal and get all arty farty and write down all your hopes and dreams for the new year. You’re going to want to set goals and be ambitious and be all like “yeah! I CAN have my dream job and still afford to pay my mortgage”. This is a trap. Be realistic, people. You can’t go and work with monkeys in the jungle and still take part in the high life (unless, of course, you’re a multi-millionaire who doesn’t have to work, then heck yes! Go forth to the jungle and buy me a monkey!) Just sit tight and soon you’ll see through all the inspiration fog and realise that it’s just the smoke from your car bombing out on the side of the road again #reallifecalling.

Number 3: The “I’m seriously getting my shit together this year” 23 year-old

You know the one? The girl who’s barely out of training wheels and is all like “OMG guys I just really need to sort my life out. I can’t believe I’m not the CEO of a company yet. How can this be possible?! MY LIFE IS AWFUL!”. The one who thinks they’re going to have the career and the husband and the babies by the time they’re 25. Kudos to you for being a go-getter but honey, life doesn’t always work out like that. Just chill the fuck out, go do some shots and travel the world. Life is fun and unpredictable.

Number 4: The New-Age Hippie who is all of a sudden vegetarian and just can’t even deal with cows

How can you even think about eating meat in 2016, you monster! Followed by pictures of cute little pigs or lambs frolicking in the fields. If you don’t have one of these people in your group of friends/social media feed yet, then I highly recommend finding one purely for amusement. It’s fun to see them get worked up over hippie stuff like benefits of home made deodorant or what needs saving more: the whales or John Butler’s band. Each to their own, everyone has their right to be who they want to be. But the change in persona can happen without notice so be prepared and make sure you have a compliments ready for their new tie dyed outfits along with a joint sparked to enhance the experience.

Number 5: The “I’m going to make every day count” life cheerleader

This person is one to keep at arms-length. You don’t want to rain on their parade nor do you want to encourage a barrage of over-enthusiastic posts. They are known for over posting and are just so excited for LIFE and will quite happily tell you everything about their day, including multiple meal posts, outfit choosing and even a jaunty trip to the toilet. A cheerleader can turn on you in an instance so my advice would be to play your cards right and only like every third post they put up. Any more than that and you’ll be encouraging even more detailed bathroom visits.

Number 6: The “my life this year was just plain awful… so watch me kill it next year!!!” warrior

These people are going to put those posts up about how much went wrong this year and how next year is going to be super awesome. Yay for you being all #positive. Newsflash to these people: your life isn’t awful. It really isn’t. Sure we all have bad days where things don’t work out or people piss us off or your cat just won’t stop vomiting on your favourite cushion but hey, life isn’t that bad. It’s not all meant to be smooth sailing. And I don’t even like sailing. So you had a few bad days, meh it’s alright, you’ll get through it princess.

Just remember that there’s always someone out there that’s wishing they had half the things you do. If you’ve got a roof over your head, daily meals, a job (which allows you to pay for the device that you are currently using to post on social media), family and your health then I reckon your year wasn’t so bad. Of course you must take the time to relive the year that was and try to not make the same shitty mistakes like dating dickheads again any time soon, but also be grateful that you have what a lot of people don’t have.

And maybe think about making a difference to someone else’s life next year and make their year their best ever.

#bringon2016

NB: This post is written in good natured fun. No animals were harmed in making this post except for my cat who got a few scolding’s for sitting on my keyboard whilst I was trying to type. If you find anything offensive or in poor taste, nor do you think my sense of humour is entertaining, then maybe you shouldn’t be reading my blog.

When will you cut out the bad vibes?

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Last year I did something I never thought I’d do. I cut a friend out of my life. It was one of the hardest yet easiest things I’ve ever had to do. But it was worth it.

That may sound a little harsh, but when a relationship gets to a point where you aren’t getting anything positive from it, then it’s time to rethink why you are involved in something that brings you down. I let go of this person who was wasn’t being a good friend to me for the past few years. It was one of those relationships that had been around for fifteen years and it just felt normal to have them in my life as it had been there for so long.

We were very close in our teenage years. We both were going through family issues at the same time so we bonded quite quickly and soon we were inseparable. It was one of those friendships that was just meant to be and it came at the right time. Over the years we were there for each other during many important life moments… boyfriends, breakups, matching tattoos and even a baby. We only had a couple of fights over the years, mainly because I am very much a non-confrontational person so I would never speak my mind. But in the last few years, our own personal values changed and I started to see things in a different light.

I realised that it is ok to do this. Just because a person has been in your life for so long doesn’t mean they are always meant to be there. People change and YOU change every single day in your life.

So why is it so goddamn hard to get rid of the bad vibes?

Because it feels unnatural to do something where you are coming across as the bad guy.

It’s not easy, but if there is someone in your life that is dragging you down, and you feel as though you don’t benefit from having them around, then you need to take control and cut the ties.

Do you feel as though they don’t listen to you? Cut them out.

Do you feel drained after being with this person? Stop seeing them.

Do you think you will be in a better place mentally if you didn’t talk to this person again? For fucks sake just do it already.

Yes, I know it’s easier said than done. But you will feel so much better for it. I hate to sound so cliché but that massive weight that has been on your shoulders will lift and you will feel amazing. I know I did. I was suddenly free of a one-way relationship that drained all the goodness out of me and I didn’t even think twice about it after it was done.

Value yourself as a human being and take control of your happiness. You don’t need other people’s negativity clouding your spirit.

Now excuse me whilst I go and get that matching tattoo covered up.

Not completely off the wagon

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So, I cracked it. For some reason, there was a brain snap and I was suddenly in Coles, bottom lip out trying to not put the box of Guylian chocolates into the shopping basket. It wasn’t pretty.

Not sure why this happened. Week 2 started off pretty positive. I did a big food shop at the beginning of the week so I was all sorted for my meals. I had done a workout each day as per Michelle’s instructions. Heck, even the scales were nice to me and told me I’m down a bit again (yew!) But Thursday night it went a bit pear shaped and threw me off.

That night, I decided to go shopping for new sports-wear. Actually, to be specific I wanted to buy a crop-top. Now, this doesn’t seem like a big deal to most people, but for someone who has a fuller bust size (read: bazooka-level)  this is a huge deal. For me I’ve always worn a sensible sports bra that could double as a slingshot. I’ve never considered anything else. So crop-top shopping was on my agenda and WOWEE can I just say that these are the most comfortable darn things ever! For someone that cannot go without a bra for fear of blowin in the wind, this feels like the next best thing! So awesomely comfortable, I’m just bummed I didn’t get into this shit ages ago.

With my new life-changing purchases secured, I came home quite late on Thursday night to find the chicken in my fridge not looking very good, so there goes dinner for the night. I ended up with a mish-mash meal of peanut butter toast, a cup of tea and a couple of sneaky Cacao Fudge Bites (they are 12WBT friendly peeps, I swear!)   Also, as it was late there was no chance of making the patties that I needed for my lunch the next day so I knew I was going to be in trouble come lunch time tomorrow. Don’t judge me readers!! All I wanted was a good stretch, watch a few eps of Friends (so what? I’m reliving the goodness!) and to fall asleep by eleven pm is that so bad?!

Friday, now that I think about it, wasn’t going to end well seeing as it started off with me sleeping past my alarm, getting to work late and then dropping my yoghurt on the floor next to my desk.Yes, clearly I was on a roll. After a productive day in and out of the office (read: lunchtime shopping trip) I was home to do my Friday workout before the man got home and we could go to the shops for dinner ingredients.

Cue the Coles trip that could’ve lost me a boyfriend. I was already a bit cranky as I was hungry due to the lack of snacks I took to work that day (oh and in case you were wondering I had a Nandos wrap for lunch… It was a healthy one but I accidentally/on-purpose added cheese, so shoot me!)  As we walked the aisles, I stopped at the popcorn to pick up a bag thinking it would cure my craving for something naughty. Nope, put it back. What about a bag of.. nope put that back too. But when I saw the sweet little six pack of Guylian seashell chocolates… dear Lord, that poor man of mine almost bolted.

I’ve probably blown my chances of ever having children with him as he now knows what it’s like to have a child in the supermarket wanting something so badly that they’re  willing to stomp their feet for it. I wanted it!! I even checked how many calories it would cost me if I smashed the whole six (a mere 354 for those of you playing along at home) So in the basket it went. And then I took it out again. I held it in my hand, scrunched up my nose and looked at my boyfriend for his reaction. He’s a smart man though, told me to have it if I really wanted it. I’m sure he wanted to scream at me JUST EAT THEM YOU SILLY COW!! I DON’T WANT YOU TO BE IN A CRAP MOOD ALL NIGHT!! JUST EAT THEM!! If he had said no don’t do it then I probably would’ve taken it. But I didn’t. Me, of all people, put the beautiful little chocolates back on the shelf, sulked away and went home to have a yummy healthy meal.

I wish I could tell you that the moment I put that box back on the shelf was a proud and defining moment of this challenge. But no sorry, I can’t do that. I’m just a big baby.

So I haven’t fallen completely off the wagon. I’ve managed to cling on for dear life and sit back on it, though quite close to the edge. The next few weeks are going to get even harder with the silly season approaching so it’s going to be very interesting indeed.

But when this whole thing is over, bitch, those chocolates are mine.

Hiccups

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I recently started on the Michelle Bridge 12 Week Body Transformation bandwagon and let’s just say.. it’s been an interesting ride.. and it’s only early days!!

Only four days into the challenge and already there has been a few hiccups. It’s been interesting to see how I handle these interruptions as I generally get cranky quite easily and once I crack the shits I tend to stay in a mood for quite some time. But, surprisingly, I’ve been pleasantly upbeat about it all.

Day 2 ended with me staying back at work longer than intended, so my first problem there was I missed my gym class. Secondly, I had a fight with my mum so I was a bit fired up and very cranky. Not really in the mood to workout! Third hiccup was that I hadn’t done my shopping for dinner that night so I was disappointed in myself for not being organised.

Luckily I have an amazing boyfriend who is super awesome and went to Coles for me (with the 12WBT recipe in hand) and got all the ingredients I needed for dinner that night. What a spunk! Hmm still need to pay out my reward for that good deed..  With the man off gathering food, I decided to put my fight with mum on hold and smash a home workout from the program. And I felt SO much better for doing it! I’m glad I did it, will remember that next time I’m not wanting to work out! And yes don’t worry, mother and I made up, we are such drama queens.

Day 3 hiccup consisted of the family dinner. Yup, only the beginning of the program and already having to make better meal choices when out for dinner. I’M NOT READY FOR THIS YET, PEOPLE!! And where do we go for dinner? The scrumptious il Pasto where they have all delightful meals full of meat, pasta and ohhh cheese! Being half Italian I must say I am a pasta freak. I love it. Unfortunately my ass does not.. so, to play along with the program, I had to rethink my choices.

And I will tell you now, it was torture. Never have I EVER been to an Italian restaurant and ordered something other than pasta, pizza or cotoletta. When the waiter came to ask me what I wanted, I very quickly closed my eyes and pointed to the grilled fish. FISH?! PESCHE? Ugh I was miserable. Did I want any salad? NO I do not want the salad you moron I want the biggest bowl of pasta you can find!! That’s what I really wanted to say…  And as the meals came out I squirmed in my seat and just stared at my dish. It was all I could do to stop myself from tackling my man out of his chair to steal his deliciously looking bowl of ragu. I will admit, I did sneak a mouse size nibble of his pasta to satisfy me and GAWD it was delish. And the fish was a bit of alright too. Definitely check this place out if you’re in the Inglewood hood peeps!

All said and done, I am super proud of myself for sticking to my guns and having the healthier option. It goes to show that even someone like me (who is soooo easily persuaded to eat all the bad stuff) is able to find the willpower inside and push through.

Let’s hope I can make it through another week without stabbing someone for a piece of chocolate..

Bikram Yoga – are you crazy?!

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When faced with the prospect of getting all hot and sweaty in a room full of people, I generally can’t say no fast enough. How embarrassing to be worked-up so much to get that sweat trail lining the crack of your fancy gym pants, your hair getting all sweaty which you’ll then just have to wash (again!) and then there’s that little bit of tummy roll hanging ever so slightly over the top of those expensive pants. And you can’t stop staring at it in the full-wall length mirror they so kindly have in the studio. Which then gets you thinking “hmm I really should buy a new pair of pants since I’ve gained a few kilos”. But I won’t because a) I am delusional to think that I’ll ever be able to wear them with dignity even though I clearly am not pulling it off, and b) because I’ve never given two hoots about what I wear when exercising as this is a rare occasion so I generally buy a piece of gym gear every two years.

But *sigh* along comes this awesome new trend that every girl and her kitten are trying and by gosh it’s fabulous! Yes Jessie you should so give it a go! It will do wonders for your sleeping habits! Oh your muscles will feel amazing afterwards!…. Really? I’ve never felt “amazing” after a workout (unless the warm up included vodka shots and the cool down included shoving a guy out the front door before he realises you don’t know his name). But I decided to push myself for one of these sessions and give it a whirl. And so begins the class of hell, literally as it’s like a furnace in the room from the get go.

I am talking about Bikram Yoga. Yes, we’ve all done yoga at the local gym/community centre/self guided videos that you can pause at any time and never start again. Yoga is all about finding the strength within yourself, gaining flexibility, revitalising your body and mind. Awesome! Fantastic! I need some self love, let me in! But wait, there’s one added element to Bikram Yoga to make it just that little bit better: heat. And lots of it.

Now, I don’t know about you but I tend to sweat at the coldest of times, let alone in an exercise class. And a class that’s heated? Crap, this is definitely not a place where I’m going to find my next boyfriend. So off I trot to the studios not far from my place (walk there you say? Pfft I’m already doing one exercise thing tonight, let’s not push it) and as soon as you walk up the stairs you can feel the heat. The reception area is toasty and warm, nice for a cold Melbourne night, but if it’s like this in here I can only imagine what it’s like in the studio. I’m expecting Satan himself to be teaching the class.

As the class begins (after I’m moved to the middle of the room due to being a newbie) I realise that I am stuck here with these people for the next 90 minutes…Lord help me. Already my face is red and I look at myself in the mirror and think “why did you wear the pants with the bleach stains?” And “what is that mark on my top?” leaving myself feeling even more self conscious than ever being around a stack of skinny chicks wearing shorts and crop tops. A crop top? I think the last time I wore one of those I was about twelve and just getting boobs…now it’s a heavy duty sensible sports bra that could possibly pass as a slingshot.

The session is going along quite nicely, apart from the sweat dripping into my eyes, and I’m starting to think it’s not so bad. And then just after the half way mark, BAM! I hit a wall and I’m about to either throw up or pass out. Or maybe both but, before I do, I take the option to lie down through the next set…and the one after that. Laying there I could feel my heart racing a hundred miles an hour and the sheer burn of mascara in my eyes. Damn it why didn’t I take that makeup off!?  As the teacher walks through the class, dripping sweat on our unsuspecting bodies, she kindly informs me that using my hand towel to wipe the sweat off my face is just going to make me sweat even more. Shit lady I’m pretty sure that’s bound to happen anyway so give me a frickin break! I’m about to choke on my own sweat and she’s banging on about too much towel usage.

So to take my attention away from the sweatiness, I get up and give it another go. And not feeling too bad. Slowly working through the poses I am feeling slightly better. Until I hear something like a steady stream of water… Has someone lost control of their bladder?  Nope, just the guy in front of me sweating so much it’s dripping onto his mat and splashing away. Note to all Bikram Yoga goers: USE A TOWEL ON TOP OF YOUR MAT. The guy catches me staring and gives me a look as if to say “what, like your pants aren’t filling up with sticky sweat?” Yes, they sure are mate but at least my mat isn’t covered so much with sweat I could almost go for a swim. And apparently clothes are optional in these classes. Whilst the skinny girls are wearing crop tops and shorts, the guys are pretty much naked. And not in a good way. I’m pretty sure wearing just your undies in public is frowned upon these days, but there they are with their hairy chests and tight boy leg shorts, clinging to their bums for dear life. Not a good look, fellas.

And just like that it’s over. You lie down after it all and regain your breath whilst realising that after all that you don’t feel too bad. Your joints are feeling all good. That little pain in the hip seems to have moved for the time being. I walk to the door, feeling proud of myself that I’ve done something new, totally out of my comfort zone…all the while ignoring the mirror that gives me a great view of the nice sweat mark down the crack of my fancy gym pants.

Walking for charity? Piece of cake! Mmm…cake..

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I know this is hard to believe but I, yes me, completed a 10km walk for charity. Yes I know, please save your standing ovation til the end of the speech. And I know what some of you are thinking… 10kms? Walking? Pffft whatever, Trevor! That’s nothing!

But let’s just remember who you’re talking to here. I am that person who baulks at the thought of walking to the shop just around the corner. Now, when I was asked if I would partake in this little event, I thought about it for about 5 seconds and said “sure!” (mainly just thinking if I had any social life on that date). Then once I realised what I’d actually said yes to I went to the oh crap phase. You know the one, when you’ve said yes to something that you actually have to follow through with. None of this “yeah sure I’ll come along!” to the neighbours art show, only to avoid them for the entire time leading up to the event then upon seeing them again after the date feigning some sort of work/illness/cat related vet story.  “So sorry I missed your crap show, I mean ART show. I was at work then got sick so I had to take my cat to the vet…”

So I signed up, prettied up my online donation page and waited. Nothing happened so I pasted a link to Facebook in the hopes that one of my 473 “friends” would donate something towards this fabulous cause. Nothing. Nada. Useless bunch of so-called friends. Even sent an email to Mum and Dad telling them to donate! I don’t think Dad even realised there was a link in the email that would take you to the webpage, apparently it was all too hard. Plus the first thing he said when I told him what I was doing was “Are you sure you’re just not walking to the pub?” Thanks for the support Pops.

Anyway, so I decidedly forgot about the impending event and just went about my normal, non-exercising life and pretending like nothing was going on. Until I got a week out from the event and realised I was the loser on my team who had no donations. Thought I’d better put in some dollars to make myself look good but so far that was it.. damnit, I was going to have to do some selling here.

Once I sent an email to my “real” friends (all with valid email addresses, none imaginary) I managed to get quite a good response quickly! Including the smart arses having a good laugh at my expense, again with the walking to the pub comments! I think I really need to rethink my social appearances… but within 2 days I’d reached my goal amount and I was chuffed! Once again I realised that I really did have to go ahead with this as I think raising money for charity and not going through with the deal is high on the list as valid entry for HELL. So I did it. But it wasn’t that easy. Well, kinda.

I suppose the worst thing about it was that it was gosh darn bloody freezing! And a Sunday. Day of rest. Walking around a lake in winter is probably not the best idea. Even with 5,000 other people. These people will not keep you warm. They just get in your way of trying to walk as quickly as possible without doing your hip in. Second of all, kids and dogs should not be allowed to run off the leash. And yes I mean kids too. And the kid on the scooter, seriously punk I am this close to giving you a swift kick in that lake and let the swans nibble at your tiny brain. And what about the people running in the wrong direction!? Really, I know you do this every Sunday cos you need to keep yourself busy as you don’t have a social life, but as you can see there are 5,000 people walking in the opposite direction to you…choose another path or I will trip you over.

But really, it wasn’t a very eventful task, pretty stock standard walking really, so there’s not even much else I can tell you about. Nothing even remotely interesting happened! Though me and my 2 walking companions pretty much talked about food the entire 10kms and made ourselves so hungry that we ended up having a mad cook up and some wine when we finished just to reward ourselves, so really the walking didn’t even do much for me health wise… But I did feel that blood pumping through the legs and once you got used to that damn fresh air it was quite nice to be outdoors and feeling good for doing something different on a Sunday instead of crawling around the house whilst hungover looking for Panadol and Powerade to get you feeling human again.

I must admit though, I did take the easy route and chose the walk option instead of the run so I got lucky this time around. And I do feel good about raising money for charity. I’ve always donated to charities when possible but giving your money is one thing. Donating your time, money and raising awareness to something else. So I challenge everyone to do some event like this in their lifetime. And I promise next year the run part will be considered…I promise!

I must admit though, I did take the easy route and chose the walk option instead of the run so I got lucky this time around. And I do feel good about raising money for charity, I’ve always donated to charities when possible but giving your money is one thing. Donating your time, money and raising awareness to something else. So I challenge everyone to do some event like this in their lifetime. And I promise next year the run part will be considered…I promise!